The recent eruption of sexual misconduct and boundary violations has finally reached the world of tantra and spirituality. As a teacher of Sacred Sexual Awakening and Healing®, I’ve long been aware of tantra and “spiritual” sexuality practitioners who bring their own wounding into their work and who do more harm than good. Even those with the best of intentions for healing often have not done enough of their own shadow work, which must be an ongoing process.
It can be especially challenging to untangle boundary violations in the western tantra world, where the teachings are often focused on sexual techniques and exchanges. It can be confusing, especially for beginners, to have clarity on their own boundaries when they are learning how to generate and circulate sexual energy. When violations happen, it’s easy to excuse them as part of the practices. It can all seem a little fuzzy. But it does not have to be.
Many tantra and spiritual sexuality practitioners (of all genders) come into the work because they want to heal their own sexual wounding. Often, they do not get far enough along in their own healing before they decide they can start helping others. Some come in because they are attracted to the “taboo” aspect of the work or to get in on the “action.” They get cocky and overly confident and consider themselves “experts.”
More Harm Than Good
I think one of the biggest mistakes that these cocky practitioners make is that they underestimate the power of sexual energy to create unseen energetic bonds between people. When sexual energy is exchanged in a session, something much bigger is being created. When the session is over and the exchange is supposedly complete, those energetic bonds don’t just go away. All people, but women especially, can be re-wounded and traumatized by generating and then abruptly cutting off this powerful connection.
I have seen male practitioners using their charm, good looks, and sexiness to attract women as “clients,” making them feel like cherished lovers and then “dumping” them at the end of the session after the money is paid, sometimes very substantial amounts of money. Or perhaps a series of sessions where the client gets totally “hooked” on the practitioner and sometimes even falls in love. It doesn’t matter what kind of agreements were made or intake forms signed, it’s up to the practitioner (whether male or female) to hold CLEAN, CLEAR space for the client to have their own experience. It’s up to the practitioner to hold professional boundaries at all times for the vulnerable client. Period.
It’s not just male practitioners, either, although male clients get “hooked” for different reasons. There female practitioners using their beauty and sexiness to make their living as well. Because tantra and spiritual sexuality is an unregulated field, there are no established requirements or standards for education, practice-hours, or professional conduct. (The exception to this being sexual surrogacy and Sexological Bodyworkers).
I myself came into the sacred sexual awakening and healing because I desperately needed it. I was lucky to find my way to a very high-integrity school and receive my 2-year certification and 4-year apprenticeship with a teacher who had clear boundaries and held her students to very high standards and ethics. I also encountered teachers along the path who did not hold clear boundaries and saw the impact of that on others and felt it in my own being. It took me years of practice and study to fully manage my own boundaries and to be able to hold safe, clear space for others. To this day, I am vigilant about stalking my own shadows and maintaining the highest integrity and ethics in my teachings.
Crystal Clear Boundaries
My own philosophy in my work is that there are clear, distinct roles in sexual healing. There’s a facilitator and a receiver, and sometimes, a witness. There is clear intention that there will be no “exchange” of sexual energy. The facilitator holds a safe, sacred container for the receiver to have her own experience, whatever that might be. The receiver may be processing anger or rage, or she may be experiencing the awakening of her sexual energy, and it all belongs to her.
Presence – The Feminine Way
The way I teach this work, the facilitator comes into pure, empty presence and holds clean, clear space with intention for the greatest good of the receiver. The facilitator’s only engagement is with herself, keeping herself grounded and fully present. It’s a deeply magical space that allows the receiver to have a pure, unadulterated experience of HER OWN ENERGY. Whether she is laughing, crying, screaming, sounding, or silent, it’s all about her. The presence, clarity, and emptiness of the facilitator allow the receiver to be guided by her own soul to her perfect healing, expansion, and integration.
The Feminine Sexual Empowerment Revolution
The Sacred Feminine Mystery School is on the leading edge of this Re-Evolution. High-quality Sacred Sexual Awakening and Healing® teachings are needed by people of all ages and genders. The Feminine is leading the way, and that’s why Caroline Muir and I are training WOMEN to be Certified Spiritual Sexual Educators® with very high standards and ethics. We are paving the way for a world where the cultural sexual shadow is safely HEALING and TRANSFORMING into something new. We are forging new pathways of connection and relationship between the masculine and the feminine. As we all heal from the abuses of the past, we are visioning and creating a New Reality. Are you with me?
How do you see yourself as part of the Feminine Re-Evolution?
(For a deeper dive into the subject of this blog, see the Facebook Live video.)
What a beautiful article, Amrita! Much love to you as you continue this sacred path!
Thank you, Evelynn!
Amrita, you express my sentiments so clearly, which is, of course, why we are so bound in our beliefs and in our integrity. “It Takes A Village” is a favorite expression of mine . And it does take a Village filled with people who adhere to absolutely clear boundaries when it comes to calling oneself ‘a healer’. Especially when sexual energy or any personal agenda is involved. One cannot be too careful. I clearly remember my own past in which I had a lot to learn about sexual healing, boundaries, and my own personal agenda.
Experience is a magnificent teacher~
I also remember my own times of having a lot to learn and experience… I do have empathy for the wounded healer in each of us. I feel incredibly blessed to have you as my teacher, mentor, beloved friend, and business partner.
Dear Amrita. Thank You for articulating so clearly, compassionately how we are feminine beings who have sexual feelings not meant to be exchanged or exploited!
Thank you Caroline. The respecting of boundaries and awareness of personal agendas would be a welcome subject to hear more developed.
Thank you for this article Amrita! This is fantastic and much needed work you are offering!
Glad you enjoyed the article, Gaianna! I’m honored to have such a clear path ahead of me. xo
I am blessed to be working with a male Daka who holds the boundaries just as you describe above. One of the things I did not see you write about was the need to have very clear communication between the giver and receiver. For me this communication and understanding between us is as important as the hands on work. It is the path between the sessions that allows me to successful integrate the last sessions work and that of the one coming up. Clear communication also, for me, acts as a way to keep us both safe as our work moves forward. I know that the giver is traditionally the ultimate boundary holder. Coming from a healing background I find having both of us aware of the need to hold safe and firm the boundaries we have set an additional layer of safety. The Daka I am working with accepts this need of mine and honors it without question.
Your article is beautifully written and unlike some of the articles/blogs written, is balanced in its approach. You do not single out one gender or another but want to hold anyone, no matter what gender, accountable for actions that cause harm or cross boundaries.
Healing will only occur when we have people who can hear both sides without allowing their emotions to color their view. Problems do exist and need to be addressed but only after stripping the emotions away can the problems be clearly identified and solutions sought to address them.
My love and compassion go out to all of those who are involved in this drama. May they find the answers they seek and we as a community find the solutions for those problems that need to be addressed.
Ann, thank you for your thoughtful response and for sharing your success story in this realm of healing. I know there are lots of people of integrity out there doing sexual healing work. My husband is one of them.
I agree about communication being a very important part of the process… a vital part, actually. I appreciate that you pointed that out. I also believe that it will take an entire community, working together to find the solutions so that we can all move forward with grace and loving support.
Thank you for this article. For me, it should be titled, “Reassurance and Trust”. A few years ago, I was innocently awakened to my sexual feminine side by a healer and had a brief affair with him. This was all done in a very beautiful and loving way although we were both married at the time. Unfortunately I fell in love with him and he wanted to end the intimacy part. Long story short, as he and I are still friends, my love and desire for him has only grown stronger. After meeting Caroline and having 2 sessions with her , I felt the “Trust” necessary to do my inner work with her. For some reason, I have shut myself down again as I am afraid to attract any man in my life or to be sexual. I am afraid to open my heart as I do not want the pain of rejection. So doing my private work has been neglected and even pushed a side. I am hoping to learn to open up again while I attend this Sacred Sexual feminine awakening.
Sheri, thank you for your transparent sharing. These kinds of experiences are often kept secret and never revealed. I love how you have taken full responsibility for your own healing around this and let it be a springboard for your awakening. See you very soon. xo
Thank you for your reply. I realized after posting an additional thought popped into my mind. The world of sexual healing is small and intimate. Lumping people together because they studied under a person or went to a certain school is a danger and a disservice to us all. Healers need to be judge as individuals on their own merits. Training under or attending a certain school might lead to a deeper conversation with that person before work is started but should NOT be an automatic disqualifier for working with them. I speak from experience as my Daka did come this type of background. I did an extensive look into my Dakas’ background and had a long talk with him before we started. He answered all my questions with great transparency and vulnerability. This was last year before all the drama unfolded.
Thank you, Ann… you are absolutely right about that. It must be on an individual basis because no matter what the training or education, everyone has their own internal ethics. I so appreciate everyone’s input and perspectives on this, especially those who have experience with healing in these realms.
Thoroughly enjoyed this article and the thoughtful responses. I have witnessed the thin line being crossed a few times and often wondered about it. Thank you for the clarity.
You are so welcome, Jeanie.
This is an excellent written article.
Thank you, Heather. Nice to hear from you!
Great article, Amrita and a very thorough approach to a complex issue, as of course sexuality is, in and of itself. Then when one attempts to enter into the realm of sexual healing and sacred sexuality~tantra, the rabbit hole gets deeper and wider! Because you really outline the territory so well, I would love to have a copy of this article to give my Shamanic Magdalenes and my women’s sexual healing students….is that possible?
I would be honored to have you share the article with your Magdalenes. Thank you! xoxo
Dear Amrita and Caroline,
This is a powerful blog and important message. I sincerely hope that any “harm” that’s been done is seen as an ultimate blessing to have everything and everyone upleveled in clear boundaries and communications. The work that Dhaka’s and Dakinis do is so needed, valuable, and life changing. Thank you for creating a program to train the next level of sexual educators. ♥️
Yes! Teri, thanks for pointing it out… ultimately, it’s all taking us into our further evolution. <3
Muir has been accused of stepningen over boundaries, sexual misconduct and everything you express here. His wife, described in your article as “ full of integrity” is defending him and dismissing these womens experiences. I am so sick of the whole tantra movement. You are not trustworthy at all.
Watch “ Unwell” om Netflix and read Guru Mag’s exposure.
I understand your frustration with the tantra movement, Ninka… I feel it too. Mr Muir has a different wife now, Caroline has been divorced from him for over 20 years. She feels a loyalty to him and defends him, yes. I don’t agree with that, but I still have respect for her (though I no longer teach with her). We are all human and have areas of our lives that are not in perfect integrity. I have worked very hard to be trustworthy and my students feel that I am. Since you don’t actually know me, it’s not really fair to judge me as you have, but again, I understand your position. I will investigate the resources you mentioned. Thank you.