Trigger warning: this is a story of sexual abuse. While it’s not graphic in any way, it still may be uncomfortable to read. It does have a very happy ending!
We’ve just come off the week of the Kavanaugh hearings, during which time I was with my stepdad in the hospital. I don’t know if it was my last time with him… it might be. Needless to say, my focus was with my family.
As I headed home from the Mohave Desert where he and my mom live, I began to take in the responses and the backlash from so many people, mostly women, who are now telling their own stories of unreported abuse. I decided to tell my own in solidarity and as an inspiration to others.
Behind Closed Doors
I was around 5 years old when my mom married a violent pedophile who had probably been abused as a child himself (I later determined). Of course, she didn’t know he was violent or that we would suffer sexual abuse… but he looked like Elvis and she was mad for Elvis. She was in her early 20’s with 2 toddlers, recently divorced.
In addition to the sexual abuse, there was physical (extreme punishments for exaggerated misbehavior) and emotional (we were threatened not to tell, ever) abuse. He was in our lives for more than 5 years, and even after he left, my mom would still give him custody of us occasionally. Once it was to learn to shoot a rifle (which I had no desire to do).
Carrying The Secret – Life or Death
I held the secrets in shame and fear until I was 17, and by then I was pretty messed up. My mom was in shock and didn’t know what to do for us. She considered pressing charges but knew that would mean we would have to testify and that would be horrible and traumatic for all of us as well as the words of children against the words of an adult. She never reported the abuse, but she did believe us. This was in the late 70’s, and there was really no clear path to assisting the child victims of abuse. I do not recall being offered counseling or any kind of support to help us work through it.
My abuser died in 2010. As far as I know, he was never prosecuted for his crimes. I suspect there were other victims.
The Big, Bright Silver Lining
As unfortunate as this sexual abuse story is, it propelled me on a path that eventually led to my sacred work as a teacher of sacred sexual awakening and healing. This came about after 20 years of acting out, destructive behavior, and addiction and co-dependency. I have no regrets and have resolved all of it within myself over the course of my life. I wrote an award-winning, bestselling book about it to support others (and it has helped many) and I offer it as a free PDF on my website as well as print, audio, and Kindle versions on Amazon.
Sacred Sexual Healing Saves Lives
Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing SAVED MY LIFE. Not so much in a literal sense as my life was never really at risk, but in that it gave me everything I needed to create a life of joy, wholeness, and contentment. It gave me the capacity to attracted a cherished beloved and to navigate my own shadows on an ongoing basis. I believe in this work and am passionate about making it widely available.
I know that high-integrity sexual healing is going to be in huge demand in the coming years because of all that’s emerging now to be healed and integrated. That’s why I created a school and a teacher training for Certified Spiritual Sexual Educators. It’s time for women (and all people) who are ready to heal to have access to TOOLS THAT WORK.
I invite you to share your own story in the comments if you like. Know that you will be heard and believed. It’s time to heal these wounds and be free.
With love and gratitude, Amrita