Why I Didn’t Report My Sexual Abuse

Trigger warning: this is a story of sexual abuse. While it’s not graphic in any way, it still may be uncomfortable to read. It does have a very happy ending!

We’ve just come off the week of the Kavanaugh hearings, during which time I was with my stepdad in the hospital. I don’t know if it was my last time with him… it might be. Needless to say, my focus was with my family.

As I headed home from the Mohave Desert where he and my mom live, I began to take in the responses and the backlash from so many people, mostly women, who are now telling their own stories of unreported abuse. I decided to tell my own in solidarity and as an inspiration to others.

Behind Closed Doors

I was around 5 years old when my mom married a violent pedophile who had probably been abused as a child himself (I later determined). Of course, she didn’t know he was violent or that we would suffer sexual abuse… but he looked like Elvis and she was mad for Elvis. She was in her early 20’s with 2 toddlers, recently divorced.

In addition to the sexual abuse, there was physical (extreme punishments for exaggerated misbehavior) and emotional (we were threatened not to tell, ever) abuse. He was in our lives for more than 5 years, and even after he left, my mom would still give him custody of us occasionally. Once it was to learn to shoot a rifle (which I had no desire to do).

Carrying The Secret – Life or Death

Amrita Grace at 17 circa 1979 - victim of sexual abuse

At 17, circa 1979

I held the secrets in shame and fear until I was 17, and by then I was pretty messed up. My mom was in shock and didn’t know what to do for us. She considered pressing charges but knew that would mean we would have to testify and that would be horrible and traumatic for all of us as well as the words of children against the words of an adult. She never reported the abuse, but she did believe us. This was in the late 70’s, and there was really no clear path to assisting the child victims of abuse. I do not recall being offered counseling or any kind of support to help us work through it.

My abuser died in 2010. As far as I know, he was never prosecuted for his crimes. I suspect there were other victims. 

The Big, Bright Silver Lining

As unfortunate as this sexual abuse story is, it propelled me on a path that eventually led to my sacred work as a teacher of sacred sexual awakening and healing. This came about after 20 years of acting out, destructive behavior, and addiction and co-dependency. I have no regrets and have resolved all of it within myself over the course of my life. I wrote an award-winning, bestselling book about it to support others (and it has helped many) and I offer it as a free PDF on my website as well as print, audio, and Kindle versions on Amazon.

Sacred Sexual Healing Saves Lives

Amrita Grace today - 2018, fully recovered from sexual abuse

July 2018

Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing SAVED MY LIFE. Not so much in a literal sense as my life was never really at risk, but in that it gave me everything I needed to create a life of joy, wholeness, and contentment. It gave me the capacity to attracted a cherished beloved and to navigate my own shadows on an ongoing basis. I believe in this work and am passionate about making it widely available.

I know that high-integrity sexual healing is going to be in huge demand in the coming years because of all that’s emerging now to be healed and integrated. That’s why I created a school and a teacher training for Certified Spiritual Sexual Educators. It’s time for women (and all people) who are ready to heal to have access to TOOLS THAT WORK.

I invite you to share your own story in the comments if you like. Know that you will be heard and believed. It’s time to heal these wounds and be free.

With love and gratitude, Amrita

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8 Responses to Why I Didn’t Report My Sexual Abuse

  1. Sahara says:

    Thank you Amrita, for sharing your honest and powerful story of healing! You’re filled with much grace and beauty. Thanks for shining your light and truth for others. I wish you continued success, with the magical healing work that you provide. You are a Goddess-send 🙂 Bless you!

  2. R says:

    wow my favorite line is “it propelled me on a path that eventually led to my sacred work as a teacher “.thank you for sharing your story….I relate to both…what gives me hope is this line….and I am grateful for your work in helping the healing of many.

  3. Christine says:

    Your mother believed you. Bless her, and all the mothers who stand by their daughters! I look forward to meeting you next year, to heal my self, my mother, my grandmothers…

    • Amrita says:

      YES! Sacred Sexual Awakening & Healing heals backward and forward through the generations… such a powerful gift we give our ancestresses and our children. I look forward to meeting you, Christine!

  4. jim rowland says:

    My mother would take a shower then move into the living room naked and procede to get dressed daily when I was 14 to age 21. I often wondered why she did this since she always taught me not to play with myself. I had mixed feelings. I enjoyed seeing her nude body but still felt ashamed & guilty. A few years ago I told my sister who is 9 years older and she told me that she had asked my mother why she did this. My mother said she was teaching me since I didn’t have a girlfriend. My sister said OK. I have felt shame ever since.

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